Don't you know that it's different for girls?
I had rather too many at the party that night.
The very first article I read on Aeon grabbed me so hard that I instantly subscribed. I’m still a subscriber 8 years later.
https://aeon.co/essays/is-there-such-a-thing-as-an-almost-rape
The author, Tove, tells a story that she’s never told before about how she found herself having sex with somebody she did not want to be having sex with. It was only years later that she started to wonder whether she had been raped.
It was decades later for me and I did not wonder until I read Tove’s article.
I was in my late teens and I used to hang out with a bunch of friends at a local pub. My friends were all men but there were a couple of women in the group including one who was a little older than me. I had never talked to either of them beyond a nod ‘Hello’. My friends had regular parties and there was always a theme. This Saturday, it was to be a costume party.
I was famous among my friends for making outrageous cocktails out of YOP — a kind of yoghurt drink — and I would give the cocktails stupid names like “Moon Over Lichtenstein”. I had rather too many at the party that night and found myself an armchair to sleep in.
About 4 in the morning, I woke from a deep sleep to find her fucking me. Her costume was pulled up around her waist and I remember that she had really muscular thighs. And she was fucking me.
I just said “No…”
Fortunately, nature makes it impossible for a woman to have sex with a man who doesn’t want sex and she climbed off and walked away without a word. I went back to sleep.
Over lunch in the bar the next day, I happened to mention to my friends what happened during the night. One of my friends said, “Oh! She did that to me too!”. Of course, everyone just laughed at how useless we were and how disappointed she must have been.
In the weeks and months after the party, I continued hanging out with my friends at the pub and I continued to nod ‘Hello’. I thought nothing more about it until I read Tove’s article thirty years later.